Chapter 333: So Sad He Can’t Help But Laugh

The sun had just crossed the midway point when a drizzle began pouring from the sky. By the time it was almost evening, it was raining cats and dogs.

Suddenly, the door of All Cattle Inn rattled open. A young man rushed in to avoid the rain.

Mrs. Jiao was dozing off at the counter until the sudden gust of wet wind jolted her awake. Her eyes lit up when she saw that a customer had come in.

“Are you staying or eating, young Reverend?”

The young Reverend, Qi Xuanyun, blushed like an apple when he looked up and saw the scantily-dressed Mrs. Jiao greeting him warmly. He hurriedly looked down and stuttered, “B-Both. I’m staying for the night.”

𝒻𝑟𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝑛𝘰𝓋ℯ𝘭.𝘤𝘰𝘮

“There’s no hurry. My inn has many high quality rooms. You can stay here forever if you want to!” Mrs. Jiao giggled and took one step toward Qi Xuanyun.

“One night is fine!” Qi Xuanyun hurriedly took two steps backward when he caught a whiff of her sweet scent.

“Hahaha! Very well. What would you like to eat, young Reverend? It may be May now, but a rain like this is still going to give you a cold,” Mrs. Jiao said concernedly. “You’re going to need something warm and fulfilling considering how thin you are.”

“What... What do you have?” Qi Xuanyun asked.

“We serve delicious wine and top quality beef. Our beef especially is to die for. You literally won’t find another beef like ours if you miss this chance, so, would you like some beef, young Reverend?” Mrs. Jiao suggested.

Qi Xuanyun rejected her suggestion immediately, “No, no! I’m a monk[1]. My master forbids me from drinking wine or eating meat.”

Mrs. Jiao giggled. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, young Reverend. Surely your master wouldn’t know if you sneak a bite or two?”

“Also, wine and food aren’t the only sweet things here. I daresay that I’m quite sweet myself. Would you like to give it a taste, young Reverend?”

“No... I... I...” Qi Xuanyun was barely coherent. He was so stunned his head almost hit the floor, much less his jaw.

Suddenly, a cough broke out from the entrance. “Ahem... let that young Reverend go! We’re the ones you’re after!”

Three people stepped into the building then. They were none other than Ye Qing, Chu Nianjiu and Lin Yuhuai.

“Welcome, customers! This way please!” Mrs. Jiao immediately stopped teasing Qi Xuanyun and welcomed them inside. “Would you like to eat or stay, customers?”

“We’re staying, but only for a night. We just want to take shelter from this rain,” Chu Nianjiu answered. “We’d like dinner as well, and we have no qualms with our food. Anything is acceptable.”

He then glanced at Qi Xuanyun—the young Taoist was still shocked that a woman had come onto him—and added, “Since the young Reverend obeys a monk’s customs, just serve him a few plates of cold vegetables and boil him a pot of tea.”

“Sounds great! Please give me a moment,” Mrs. Jiao replied cheerfully and sashayed toward the kitchen.

“We meet again, young Reverend!” Ye Qing saluted Qi Xuanyun.

“You’re... the one on the boat!” The young Taoist immediately recognized Ye Qing and exclaimed with pleasant surprise, “Why are you here?”

“It is I.” Ye Qing confirmed with a smile. “We were passing through the area. Honestly, we weren’t expecting to run into you. It’s a mighty coincidence.”

“It really is!” The young Taoist was incredibly excited before looking at Lin Yuhuai and Chu Nianjiu. “Thank you both for helping me out earlier. My name is Qi Xuanyun.”

“I’m Chu Nianjiu!”

“I’m Lin Yuhuai!”

“You already know my name, but I’m Joyless Ye.”

“Well met, Brother Chu, Brother Lin, Brother Ye!” Qi Xuanyun greeted everyone. “Just call me Xuanyun. My master and senior brothers all call me that.”

“Very well. We shan’t be Strangers.” All three men smiled at his youthful appearance. “Let’s share a table, Xuanyun.”

“Of course!” Qi Xuanyun sat down, beaming.

......

“Hubby, another four cattle just entered our inn. Every single one of them is a top-tier stock,” Mrs. Jiao said to the cook as soon as she entered the kitchen. The hunch-backed man was currently lying down on top of a bunch of hay like a bull. “Make sure they won’t be able to escape, okay?”

“You know my cooking skills, dear. They won’t.” The hunch-backed man grinned a mouthful of yellow teeth at his wife before sitting up and pulling a blade of yellow grass from his hay bed. He bent it into the shape of a cut of beef and placed it on a plate. Amazingly, the yellow grass transformed into an actual cut of beef that was bubbling with oil and leaking aroma everywhere.

The hunch-backed man would proceed to weave more dishes such as roast beef, boiled beef, deep-fried flank, crystal shanks and more. Each and every dish looked wonderfully lifelike and perfect in both color and aroma.

“Your skills are getting better and better, hubby,” Mrs. Jiao complimented her husband as she admired the dishes.

“You flatter me, dear.” The hunch-backed man shot her an honest grin before saying, “Go. It’s bad service to make our customers impatient.”

“Agreed. See you in a bit!” Mrs. Jiao replied before placing some of the plates in a tray, lifting them up and carrying them back into the dining hall.

“The food’s here! Sorry to make you wait, customers!”

“Enjoy, dear customers. There are more in the kitchen, so please give me a moment.” Mrs. Jiao gave them a bright smile before returning to the kitchen.

However, when she returned with another tray of food, she was astonished to find that the table was perfectly empty.

“Customers, what...?”

“Apologies, innkeeper, but it’s been days since we ate something, so...” Chu Nianjiu apologized smilingly.

“But the plates...?” Mrs. Jiao blinked. Warriors were capable of extraordinary feats, so she wasn’t exactly surprised to hear that the trio had devoured their food in less than a minute. But where were the plates? She couldn’t spot a single plate on the table.

“Yeah. About that. Your dishes are so tasty that we accidentally swallowed the plates as well.” Ye Qing chimed in with a grin. “I never knew that plates tasted like fried chicken, crunchy and sweet!”

“Hahaha... it seems like you are very hungry. Don’t worry, the one thing our inn does not lack is meat. I promise that you will eat your fill,” Mrs. Jiao giggled.

“Thank you very much, innkeeper.” Ye Qing smiled back. “Oh right, can you please serve my friend his vegetables first? He was real envious when he saw us chowing down like no tomorrow. Look, he’s practically shedding tears of frustration.”

Mrs. Jiao looked. Qi Xuanyun was currently covering his mouth with both hands, and his shoulders were shaking from time to time. Although his expression was hidden, she could clearly hear short burst of laughter escaping through his fingers.

“What do you mean he’s crying? He’s obviously laughing!” Mrs. Jiao looked puzzled.

“Didn’t you know? Some people shed tears when they are at the peak of happiness. Naturally, the opposite can happen as well. That’s what’s happening to my friend right now,” Ye Qing lied through his teeth before comforting her, “Ah, I suppose an innkeeper wouldn’t be very knowledgeable. Your ignorance is forgiven.”

Mrs. Jiao: “...”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go grab our food already? If you take too long, my friend might actually weep

and

laugh like he’s crazy! We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Ye Qing said seriously.

“Fine, fine. Please give me a moment, customers. I shall return with your food right away.” Mrs. Jiao winked flirtatiously at Ye Qing before taking her leave.

“Man, it smells good!”

After Mrs. Jiao was gone, Chu Nianjiu stared at the food in front of him with a pang of hunger. However, he quickly shook away his desires and asked, “Are you sure we can’t eat this?”

Lin Yuhuai had sealed off his sense of smell, but even the sight of the delicious dishes elicited a pang of hunger in him. He too asked, “Are you sure the food is tampered with, Joyless?”

Just now, when the dishes were served, Lin Yuhuai and Chu Nianjiu suddenly felt hungry beyond imagination even though they weren’t a moment ago. They felt like shoving everything down their gullet even if their stomach were to burst as a result.

But right before they would pounce on the food, Ye Qing and Qi Xuanyun got in their way. Then, Ye Qing tossed everything out of the window in the blink of an eye.

Strangely, they regained their wits as soon as the dishes were thrown out. When the innkeeper returned with a new tray of dishes, their desire began to spiral out of control again.

“Of course they’re tampered with.” Ye Qing pressed a finger to his forehead and relied on his demonic lotus to remain clearheaded. “What kind of food would drive you crazy?”[2]

“Besides, these aren’t meat. They’re grass, all of them.”

His colleagues didn’t possess his level of spirit, so they couldn’t see what he was seeing. In his eyes, the delicious beef wasn't beef at all. They were grass.

“Seriously?” Chu Nianjiu exclaimed in surprise.

“Brother Ye isn’t lying to you two. It really is grass,” Qi Xuanyun chimed in with a barely suppressed grin on his face. It was because he was still young, and Ye Qing’s earlier comment tickled him just right. He would be laughing out loud if he was used to laughing in front of an audience.

“Lingguan, please wash away the evil, clear the mind, and open one’s eyes. Go!”

A yellow talisman flew out of his sleeves and slapped itself onto the food. The talisman abruptly burst into flames and released a puff of green smoke. When the smoke was gone, the delicious food on the table had turned into piles of grass.

“It really is grass. Is there something special about it?” Chu Nianjiu asked.

“It’s called the Cattle Transformation Grass.” Qi Xuanyun explained, “Legend says that the Cattle Transformation Grass is created from the vengeful soul of an old bull after it died. Cattle become sapient as they age, as this particular bull resented the fact that humans ate cattle, but cattle could only eat grass. So, its vengeful soul transformed into the Cattle Transformation Grass.”

“The Cattle Transformation Grass is irresistible to most humans. Anyone who eats it would transform into cattle. If the victim could protect their mind and maintain their humanity, then they would turn back into a human after a day. But if not, then they would remain as a cow or a bull for the rest of their lives.”

The young Taoist suddenly let out a cold chuckle. “I finally found you, you bastards.”

Ye Qing asked curiously, “It sounds like you’ve been searching for this inn for a while.”

It was clear from Qi Xuanyu’s earlier actions that he was prepared for this.

“Yes, I’ve been searching for this inn,” Qi Xuanyun admitted honestly. “Some time after I left my mountain, I encountered a strange incident where a bunch of people were plagued by nightmares every night. They dreamed of cattle with human faces yelling hatefully at them saying, ‘You ate me! You ate me!’”

“This isn’t an isolated incident either. A lot of people were plagued by the same nightmare. I even stumbled upon a county where almost every man, woman and child were experiencing the same dream.”

Qi Xuanyun fell silent for a moment before continuing, “If that was all the harm it did, then maybe I could’ve overlooked it. The problem is that everyone who was infected by the nightmare would gradually go insane and think of themselves as cattle. They would even walk on all fours and eat fodder like cattle. In the end, they all died because of their insanity.”

“I remember something like this in one of the Pacification Bureau’s records,” Lin Yuhuai suddenly spoke to Ye Qing and Chu Nianjiu via sound transmission, “The case file is named the ‘Nightmare Cattle Incident’, and it was classified as a Phenomenon-class incident. It was an unresolved case even to this day.”

“The Pacification Bureau once mobilized a massive amount of manpower to investigate this case, but they weren’t able to find anything. It was because the location of the incidents were completely random, and the clues that we collected were a chaotic mess at best, and useless at worst. It was very strange.”

“Now that you remind me, I too have heard of that case before,” Chu Nianjiu echoed in agreement.

Ye Qing was the only one who didn’t know jack about this.

1. Just so you know, monks in Chinese culture are not strictly Buddhist. ?

2. It sounds like Chu Nianjiu and Lin Yuhuai are asking something obvious and stupid, but remember that they’re currently battling the unnatural mental effects of the meat. ?