Chapter 99: Your Heart (3)

Woof.

—Zombie. Hey, Kim Zombie.

The puppy woofed again. It could simply be barking, yet it also seemed to be describing the feeling of its mind escaping from chaos.

—Mr. Kim Zombie? Mr. Kim Sparrow? Mr. Young Heaven? Hello, Mr. Death King. Can you hear me? The Guardian waved his hand in front of my face.

I couldn't think straight; it was hard to tell if I or the dog was the one barking. I was the dog, and the dog was me.

Like a puppy chasing a ball, I could only focus on one thought at a time. The red carpet. The red eyes. The blue perfume bottle. The voice. The touch.[1]

—Y-you fell hard. Haaaard. Your eyes... It’s just like the time that bum of the Zhuge Clan fell for the North Sea Ice Palace Princess.

What was love...? I, Gong-Ja, would say that love was a lily. Lady Silver Lily...

—I’m sorry, Zombie. This is all my fault. You two are in different leagues. Totally different. Because of me, you ended up loving someone out of your league.

I stared blankly at the Guardian, who was picking his nose. It was the worst pose a person could take for an apology. Oh, yeah. This guy was a ghost, not a person...

—But honestly, it’s funny. Keep doing it. Go on.

Suicide...

I dumbly mumbled.

—Huh?

If I kill myself, I’ll be able to experience this moment again, right...?

—You crazy fucker... Still, you’ve held onto enough of your sanity enough not to talk about suicide regression aloud. That’s fortunate. All of this is being broadcasted in the Tower...

“Suicide...”

—And it’s gone! You nuthead! Hey, Shiny!

[Shiny jumps up and smacks you in the head.]

“Aaaaah!” I collapsed onto the garden lawn, clutching my head. “I know I’m not in my right mind! But... but her face keeps popping up in my head, so what can I do?”

—You’re already in that stage? That’s one load of bullshit already.

“Oh, I absolutely should not wash my face today. Even if I do, I shouldn’t wash behind my ears. Don’t you think I still smell like lilies? Would you like to smell behind my ears?”

—Second load of bullshit...

“How many times did that crown prince save the world in his past life to be loved by her? He’s honestly just blonde ramen. Oh, shit. The internet. I need the internet. The internet and a computer. I have to leave a comment saying ‘I want to be like the crown prince’ on every online post that I can find...”

—Three loads of bullshit. Fuck...

“Ah, love! The sweetest poison! The irresistible addiction! Oh, my heart!” I clutched my chest.

—I knew it. I knew how much of a nuisance you’d be in this universe if you fell in love. But I advised you to fall in love anyway even though I knew. I’m a really bad person.

“It’s not just me!”

[Your character immersion has deepened.]

[Your immersion level is 21%.]

“See? The immersion level is going up because the butler is feeling the same as me. Why do you think that is? It means he’s also fallen for Lady Silver Lily!”

—Huh. Didn’t that butler like Lady Goldencup? Or was it Lady Purplecup?

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Love isn’t about just loving one person. Love is... Love is... It’s love.”

—Wow, a guy who hasn’t even been in love for half a day is telling me... Wow...

I sprawled on the lawn. It was broad daylight and the academy was in session. The Inquisitor, the crown prince, and Lady Silver Lily were all in class right now.

“How can I save Lady Silver Lily?” I murmured. “No, wait. Save her? What am I talking about? I should know my place. It’s just... How can I make her happy?”

—As the one who introduced your bullshit into the world, I’ll be responsible and give you some advice.

The Guardian groaned.

It’s not time to think about that yet, kid.

“Then what should I think about, adult?”

—You need to get to know her better.

“Know her better,” I blankly repeated.

—Yeah, it’s important to make sure your love sees you often. If you do that when you’re both strangers, it’s embarrassing, but you’re her butler now. Even if you don’t do anything, you two will naturally spend time together. You have an advantage in terms of distance.

“Advantage in distance...”

—Yeah, so take it easy and observe her more.

“But...”

—But?

“This world is doomed.”

—Hmm.

The Guardian crossed his arms.

That is a problem.

Something about the Guardian’s tone was odd. I felt like we were talking about different problems—however, the bell that signaled the end of class just rang, so I didn’t get to ask.

The problem was revealed on that very night.

* * *

Clouds had swallowed the moon, so it was dark tonight. The candles lit in Sormwin Academy were struggling to illuminate the campus, but it was clearly not enough to stop the academy from sinking into darkness.

“You can think of this as the reward for your commendable deed.” Lady Silver Lily led the way through the darkness, holding the lantern herself.

I followed her, careful not to step on her shadow. We were alone.

“I’m going to tell you my secret.”

She was wearing a white dress for her pajamas. Every time the hem of the dress fluttered, my heart raced. Was that because I was loading myself with bullshit, like the Guardian had said? But what I was feeling now was too warm to call bullshit.

“Follow me.”

Lady Silver Lily walked on. It was deep into the night, so there was no one in the hallway. As I followed her, I stared at her fingers, which the lantern’s light shone down on.

“What are you thinking about now?” Lady Silver Lily suddenly asked.

“What?”

“I asked what you’re thinking about. I can feel your gaze on me. It made me curious.”

I hesitated.

“Even if it’s only temporary, you are my butler. It would be disloyal to refuse to answer your master’s question. Since I said I was curious, you ought to answer.”

“I...”

“Tell me.”

“...I was thinking that I wanted to hold your hand.”

As soon as my answer left my lips, I felt like my heart jumped out of my mouth instead of my tongue moving like it was supposed to. I was deeply embarrassed.

I hadn’t been this embarrassed when Shiny had sung the

Songs of Gong-Ja Flying to Heaven

.[2] Really. I felt like I was going to die from embarrassment now.

𝒇𝓻𝓮𝓮𝙬𝙚𝒃𝒏𝓸𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝓬𝓸𝒎

“Hmm.”

Just then, something grabbed my left hand—it was Lady Silver Lily’s hand. Her hand was a bit cold, but the moment her slender fingers interlocked with mine, I almost thought she had taken hold of my heart. All she did was grab my hand, but her florid scent filled my head.

“M-my lady.”

“Am I the only one you’ve been thinking about all day?”

My throat was parched.

“Did you miss my touch and scent? Did you imagine it?”

“Well—”

“Answer me. If you don’t give me an honest answer, I’m going to let go of your hand.” Her lock on my fingers loosened a bit.

“I-I did.”

“Again.”

“You’re the only one who’s been in my head all day long.”

My head was spinning. It was as if her scent was part of her whispering voice.

“A good answer. You are my loyal butler indeed.”

[Your character immersion has deepened.]

[Your immersion level is 29%.]

Now, I didn’t even know what was what anymore. I really had no idea.

“Y-you shouldn’t do this.”

“What do you mean I shouldn’t?”

I... I should think.

“I’m from outside this world... I’m merely borrowing this butler’s body—”

“So?”

[The Silver-Plated Heart looks at you.]

“You said you saw me as a human, didn’t you?”

“I...”

“Was that a lie?”

[The Silver-Plated Heart looks at you.]

“Do you also see me as a mere native or a local of this world like the other apostles? No, I’ll use Hamastura’s terms. Am I a character to you?”

[The Silver-Plated Heart looks...]

“I...” I choked on my words. “I... No, my master is Lady Goldencup.”

[Your character immersion has deepened.]

[Your immersion level is 30%.]

“I agreed to serve you briefly for the sake of my mission—”

“That’s strange.” Lady Silver Lily looked at me. “You said you thought about no one but me today. Which means that Lady Goldencup wasn’t on your mind, does it not?”

“That’s—”

“Was that a lie?”

[The Silver-Plated Heart...]

“No, it wasn’t...”

My head. My breath.

“Then doesn’t that make me your master, not Lady Goldencup?”

“That’s...”

“Call me master.” Her fingers squeezed around mine. “Even just once is fine. Say that with all your heart. If you say it, I’ll reward you.”

Reward...

“I promise you it’ll be sweet.”

For some reason, my heart was drowning in honey. I was about to open my mouth without thinking.

—Gong-Ja.

The Guardian’s voice was quiet.

[Shiny quivers to bring you back to your senses.]

Even the Constellation warned me. Their reactions and the head high gave me a sense of deja vu. It was just like the ominous feeling I got when I had seen her interrogating the servants in the basement. She was dangerous.

“Hmm?” Lady Silver Lily looked back at me, her expressionless red eyes reflecting me. “What’s wrong? Don’t you need a reward?”

She whispered, “You only have to do it once.”

A reward. Just once... If I only had to do it just once, wouldn’t it be okay? I knew that it was a dangerous choice, but still, I had the ability to turn back time even if something went wrong. Yes... that was my ability. Actually, if I thought about it, taking a risk wasn’t even the right description—perhaps it was necessary to know what would happen if I said this. Wasn’t it similar to the time when there was a traitor among the High Rankers or when I first faced the Demon King of Autumn Rain? So maybe it was okay to say one word. If it went wrong, I could just turn back time, and that would be it. Because I had that ability, so if I said it... Just this once...

“But you know I’m the Fire Emperor and you saw me killing the Saintess, so you should die.”

I felt a chill run down my spine.

“Mr. Death King, I still believe in you.”

The chill froze my fingers.

“Master.”

And it crept up into my head.

“My disciple.”

I suddenly felt wide awake. I could see more clearly and think more quickly, as if my brain was trying to make up for the delay. Was I someone who would easily submit? Was the weight on my shoulders that light?

No, I wasn’t, and it wasn’t. I was Preta’s master and the Young Heaven of the Heavenly Demon Cult. I had been trying to avoid becoming like Yoo Soo-Ha until now. I didn’t want to let a single death be in vain, so I had fled across the snowfield with the Master Alchemist in my arms.

“... I’m sorry, my lady.” I placed my hand on top of hers. It was just a word, but that was all the more the reason I couldn’t do this.

“What are you sorry about?”

“I cannot accept you as my true master.”

I want to learn the joy of love. Actually, I was learning it. Even so, I wasn’t planning on learning it at the price of losing myself, so I couldn’t have a one-sided relationship with someone.

“If you really want to win my heart, you’ll have to use another method, my lady.”

“Tell me. I’m listening.”

“I’ll serve you as my master, so make me your master too. I will value your judgment over mine. Your advice will affect me more heavily than my beliefs. I will never place myself first, but in return...”

I looked at Lady Silver Lily’s face. Because our hands were locked, we were very close to each other. Her eyes were red, and I knew that they were the same color as her heart.

“Please treat me like that too. If you do something wrong, I’ll tell you that it’s wrong. What I truly think, what I see, what I feel... I’ll confess everything to you without a single lie, but none of these things can be one-sided. If I give you my heart, what will I breathe with? I’ll suffocate and die someday. I can only continue to live when you give me your heart to breathe with.” I held Lady Silver Lily’s hand a little tighter. “If you want me to fall madly in love with you, please go mad for me too.”

Lady Silver Lily shook my hand off and stumbled a couple of steps back as if she had been physically struck. However, she still looked impassive.

“...I see. You’re different from the other idiotic apostles. I thought you were an innocent child... I was too hasty. Just because you’re unfamiliar with love, doesn’t mean you don’t know your way in life.”

“You tried to seduce me and make me your servant, didn’t you?”

“It was my mistake. I underestimated you.” Lady Silver Lily briefly bit her lower lip.

Even that gesture was beautiful enough to send goosebumps running down my entire body. The ray of white moonlight shining down on the hallway turned into a shadow when it reached her.

“Yeah, I’m not an easy man.” I smiled.

“That’s too bad. It would have been better if you gave me everything and found your peace.”

“You said that understanding and responsibility aren’t different. One-sided responsibility would be nothing more than one-sided understanding. That isn’t why I came to meet you.” My heart raced, but I held onto my composure. “So what’s the secret you’re going to tell me?”

Lady Silver Lily turned around and walked away.

“...My family has an heirloom that has been passed down for a long time. It’s a sword that came with a legend, but it’s so absurd that it sounds like a joke. The legend says that if you make a wish to the sword, it’ll always grant it.”

At the end of the hallway, where even the moonlight didn’t reach, a thick bundle of red curtains lay covering something—or perhaps hiding something.

“But you have to meet a condition before that.” Lady Silver Lily grabbed the edge of the curtain and pulled it back. Behind the curtain stood a full-length mirror that looked like it would belong in a dressing room. “When you make a wish, you should stab your own heart with the sword.”

A sword was stuck in the middle of the mirror. Lady Silver Lily stood in front of it. Coincidentally, the sword was stuck at the same height as her heart.

[Shiny has detected her sister’s presence.]

The holy sword that was hung on my waist trembled.

[Shiny says that she is the third sister sword of the holy protector sword.]

Drop by drop, blood flowed out of the mirror where the sword pierced it. The curtains that had been covering the mirror hadn’t been red when they were made—the blood flowing from the mirror’s heart had dyed them into that color.

[Her name is Prayer.]

“It happened when I wasn’t a regressor yet. The crown prince and Lady Goldencup saw their love come into bloom. I was so angry that I prayed to the sword passed down in my family.”

“What wish did you make...?”

“I said ‘Please let my love last forever,’” she quietly answered. “And then, my life became eternal. Even if I die, I won’t stay dead. My love for the crown prince hasn’t changed because my heart has been fixed on that day.”

Lady Silver Lily grabbed my hand and brought it to her chest where her heart should be. “Did you say you want my heart?”

I couldn’t feel a pulse from her breast.

“I’m sorry,” Lady Silver Lily said. “I have no heart to offer you.”

[The Silver-Plated Heart looks at you.]

The blood slowly pooling around the mirror transformed into a small figure. It was in a different size, but it was the demon that had killed the Paladin and the Countess in the previous try.

I didn’t know why the blood from the mirror created something like that. Actually, it could have been summoned, not created. I wasn’t sure which was the answer. However, Lady Silver Lily held up her rapier and pointed it at the small demon as if she was used to all this.

“Now, assist me. It’s time to finish today’s work.”

1. This part is actually a Korean wordplay on how zoning out(멍하다) and woof(멍) sounds the same. That is how Gong-Ja is associating himself with a puppy. Some changes have been made for a smoother flow. ☜

2. The raw is 공비어천가. It’s a parody of 용비어천가. 용비어천가 is an epic poem about how the Joseon Dynasty was founded for grand reasons and what kind of trials the ancestors had to go through to found the Joseon Dynasty. It’s mostly about praising the ancestors. ☜