Chapter 205: Joy (42)

Su-Hwan knelt to align his gaze with mine and asked in a hushed tone, “Airplane."

“..."

“Does the thought of flying unsettle you? I want you to be honest with me. I'm asking so that we can come up with an appropriate strategy to address it."

The mere utterance of the word 'airplane' already caused my heart to throb so fast that its beats echoed in my ears. I was overwhelmed by breathlessness as if the air itself had thickened around me.

I dodged Su-Hwan's probing gaze and gave him a small, hesitant nod. He maintained his composure, nodding and rising to his feet.

“That’s a close one. Do you want to get up and chat, Hyun-Woo?”

“...Ah, yes."

I stood up by grasping Su-Hwan’s outstretched hand, and we made our way to the empty break room next door. It was a quiet spot, usually just for the staff, so it was now deserted and dim in the late hours.

As soon as we entered, Su-Hwan quickly locked the door behind us and offered me a vitamin drink from the fridge before sitting down across from me. “Do the others know about your fear of flying? They seemed to just assume that you have a moderate fear of height."

I shook my head, not really wanting to talk about it. I was worried I might start stuttering or something.

“Being scared of heights doesn't mean you will freeze up every time flying comes up, you know," said Su-Hwan.

“Right."

“Can I help you somehow?" Su-Hwan kept his cool, asking me all these questions.

Being an idol meant I had to fly a lot. I couldn't just skip out on international gigs, so I had to deal with this fear, but still...

“You are shaking."

Memories of a past crash, the blaring alarms, the feeling of falling, the loud bangs, and that sharp pain—all came rushing back, overwhelming me.

“Hang on, just... give me a sec..." I buried my face in my arms as I tried to forget it all. “I am sorry for making you wait."

It took forever to catch my breath and calm down, but when I finally did, I looked up at Su-Hwan again. “Let's keep this between us, okay? The others don't need to know."

“Got it."

“I had a bad fall before we debuted. That's why..."

“Sounds like it was pretty serious."

I couldn't tell him the whole truth… about nearly dying in a plane crash, so I just told him enough information.

“I will get through this, so don't worry too much, okay? I will be fine."

After I finished, Su-Hwan looked down and thought for a bit. With a serious look, he then met my eyes again. “Hyun-Woo, just pushing through isn't always the best way. You can't keep doing that forever."

“But if I don't keep going, I can't do this job." I had to make this second chance work. I couldn't let this stop me. I had gone through tough times before, so I could do it again.

However, Su-Hwan sadly shook his head. “You are still young, Hyun-Woo. Some things are too much to handle on your own, especially the deep-seated stuff."

“..."

“Maybe think about getting some professional help, like counseling?"

“Counseling?"

Su-Hwan nodded. “You shouldn't avoid hospitals, not with what we do. If you are up for it, I can make an appointment."

That was when we heard it.

Knock knock knock knock knock-

“Joo-Han here. I know you are in there. Su-Hwan, let Hyun-Woo out." Joo-Han's voice came through the door, sounding urgent and persistent.

Su-Hwan chuckled, got up, and opened the door. Seeing how Joo-Han and Su-Hwan interacted, it looked like they'd gotten pretty close.

“Just having a chat with Hyun-Woo. Is something going on?"

“Nope, all good. Just saw you two had disappeared, so I was wondering." Joo-Han looked straight at me, his tone casual but concerned.

“Why?" Su-Hwan asked.

“Nothing, really." Even though Joo-Han said it was nothing, he kept looking at me with a mix of concern and confusion on his face. He then suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. “Why so down today, huh? Has Su-Hwan been giving you a hard time?"

“No, not really."

Hugs weren't really Joo-Han's thing, but here he was, making an exception. He was patting my back gently, totally unlike his usual loud self.

'He must've overheard.'

Once I figured out why Joo-Han was acting like this, the noise from the break room drew in the other members, and they started crowding around us.

“What's going on?"

“Been looking for Hyun-Woo, and here you are. Joo-Han, what's with the sudden lovefest?"

“Hyun-Woo hyung, are you okay? Did something happen with Joo-Han?"

Then Joo-Han let go of me and gestured for the others to come closer. “Chill, everyone. Come, give Hyun-Woo a hug."

“What's this about? Is it some kind of feel-good ritual?"

“Joo-Han's always like, 'Come get a hug!' And now he's not even telling us why?"

It was funny how our group dynamics played out. The whole situation was downright annoying, but the truly terrifying part was how even receiving some half-hearted consolation started to have a soothing effect on me.

It was only after my head was awkwardly patted and my patience stretched thin that this exasperating episode finally came to an end.

“Ah, forget it! I'm fine now, really!" I exclaimed.

Joo-Han, who had somehow taken the lead in this chaos, casually shrugged off the tension. With his usual stoic face, he suggested, “Time to head out?"

“Oh, heading out sounds good!"

“Well done, everyone! Let's call it a day and head home," said Joo-Han. He might have brushed the incident off as if it were nothing, but his fleeting glances in my direction as we left the office and climbed into the car hinted at a deeper concern. I felt bad, but I stubbornly chose to ignore his looks right until the very end.

As night fell, the air grew heavy with an unspoken tension. I had barely settled into bed when Goh Yoo-Joon brought it up, his voice laden with concern.

“Suh Hyun-Woo, is something bothering you?"

“And what would that be?"

“Umm, the vibe earlier was a bit off."

I could only offer a shake of my head in response. “It's nothing..."

“Alright then."

“Hey, don't hold back if something's up. What's the point of friendship if not for sharing the tough times?" Goh Yoo-Joon's words, though earnest, seemed to embarrass him. Hence, he quickly turned away and soon fell asleep.

I just lay there and stared blankly at the ceiling, being lost in thought. ‘

What if I keep pretending everything's fine, and then suddenly it's not?’

The thought of dealing with a significant event, like an incident at the airport, was daunting enough. Even the mention of flights was enough to stir a sense of dread within me. ‘

What if I'm confronted with emotions I can't face?’

“Some things are too much to handle on your own, especially the deep-seated stuff."

Su-Hwan's words echoed in my mind. Some burdens were indeed too substantial to bear alone, and this was clearly one of them. After much contemplation, I reached for my phone. My fingers hovered above the screen for what felt like an eternity before finally, with a resolute determination, I started to type.

- I think I need to get a consultant. Please and thank you. I am ready to get some help.

Perhaps it was time to acknowledge that I didn’t have to fight alone.

***

With the whirlwind of music broadcasts, a myriad of events, and unofficial schedules such as fan meeting preparations, I finally managed to have a relaxing moment.

At the YMM Entertainment building, I was working on Goh Yoo-Joon's solo track and found myself alone in the studio as Joo-Han and Yoo-Joon had stepped out for a coffee break. I then seized the opportunity to experiment with the composition software, applying tips I'd learned from Kim Jin-Wook and the guidance of Producer Do.

“Is this really your first time using this software? You are quite adept. I noticed your knack for it when we were working on the track. You should consider learning from me, like Joo-Han has. I'd be glad to help."

“Thank you. I might just take you up on that offer."

“Feel free. The studio is yours whenever I'm not around. Try it, and if something good comes out, don't hesitate to show me."

“Will do!"

Producer Do nodded approvingly and saved my experimental piece under my name for future reference.

“By the way, how is Joo-Han's project coming along? Haven't heard much about it," asked Producer Do.

“His project?"

“Yeah, the original soundtrack that Supervisor Kim asked about. It's crucial to seize such opportunities, but it seems like he hasn't made much progress. Perhaps he's been working on it in the dorm?"

I shook my head in response. While Joo-Han had indeed been busy with music production at the dorm, his focus seemed wholly consumed by the fan club's inaugural song, leaving little time for the drama soundtrack.

“That's unfortunate. Well, he's already tasted success with the Chronos tracks," Producer Do sighed, giving me a knowing look. "Remember, if you ever want to pitch a soundtrack, you know where to find me. Don't hesitate to give it a try."

“Me? Well, I don't know..."

“Don't worry. If it doesn't meet the mark, I will let you know. Consider it as a practice."

Producer Do's persuasive words carried such power that I found myself nodding earnestly, my face set with newfound determination. “I will give it a try."

Just then, Joo-Han and Goh Yoo-Joon came into the studio with coffee in hand. “Sorry to keep you waiting! Yoo-Joon wanted to go over the lyrics one more time before coming in."

“That's fine. So, Yoo-Joon, are you ready?"

“Yes?"

“Let's go in." Producer Do then pointed toward the recording booth while looking at Goh Yoo-Joon.

Goh Yoo-Joon was slightly taken aback, glancing at me before nodding vigorously and stepping into the booth.

“Joo-Han has crafted an impressive track, and Hyun-Woo has contributed beautiful lyrics. Since this song is filled with the members' affection, Yoo-Joon, you need to sing it super well."

After hearing the weighty expectations from Producer Do in the recording studio, Goh Yoo-Joon momentarily faltered but soon adjusted his expression and nodded confidently. “I will do my best to sing it as impressively as possible!"

“Good. Let's get started."

I looked down at the neatly printed lyrics in front of me, aligning myself with the moment.

Soon, the intro music started to flow, and a deep, resonant voice brought the words to life. Goh Yoo-Joon was singing the song just as the letters on the page dictated.