Why can't I improve myself?!

Why am I repeating the same bloody mistakes despite knowing... I must call her first?!

For a brief second there, Kang Jin-Ho was swept up in a powerful self-hate.

Didn't I! Not too long ago! Tell myself to!

Even though he told himself to call Choi Yeon-Ha first before she could call him, why did he stupidly go ahead and commit yet another terrible mistake!

What a bitter mistake this was. A mistake that made his soul shudder from dread!

Kang Jin-Ho’s fingers uncharacteristically trembled in fear while approaching the phone’s screen.

‘...Should I ignore the call until tomorrow?’

The one and only demon emperor, who didn’t know what it meant to be scared and never backed down once against an army of ten thousand and even at the combined assault of the powerful experts hailing from the orthodox sects… was seriously considering raising a white flag at a mere phone call!

However, he couldn’t help it.

Kang Jin-Ho didn’t fear what he could fight back. It didn’t matter how much stronger the other side was. As long as he could resist and fight back somehow… A path would inevitably open up for him. Unfortunately, this encounter was not something he could resist or fight back.

After sucking in a quick breath, Kang Jin-Ho cautiously tapped on the green icon. With that, the call connected with the other side.

However, he couldn't hear anything despite seconds ticking over. Kang Jin-Ho nervously gulped back his saliva and cautiously raised his voice.

“...Is that you, Miss Yeon-Ha?”

Despite how cautious he was, he still didn’t hear any replies. Only… silence!

This eerie silence continued to ‘flood’ out of his phone. Kang Jin-Ho’s entire body creaked and stuttered like a robot with no oil in its joints.

𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

He suddenly gained a renewed appreciation of the notion of seemingly plain silence driving a person mercilessly to a dead-end. While thinking that he should utilize this knowledge someday if he had another chance to torture someone, Kang Jin-Ho fake-coughed and spoke to the phone again.

“Hello? This is Kang Jin-Ho speaking.”

Even then, the silence continued to deafen him. Just as Kang Jin-Ho began wondering if he should say something else, a bone-chilling voice slowly leaked out of the phone’s speaker.

-Do you know what separates humans from beasts?

“Well, yes. I do, but articulating that into words is difficult for me.”

-Why don’t you try?

“...Mm. Isn’t it intellect?”

Even though Kang Jin-Ho gave a stock answer to a stock question, why did it feel like his mistress cracked a whip on his butt just now?

-Intellect, my foot!

The genre of this situation rapidly shifted from a hard-boiled noir to an action flick. Choi Yeon-Ha’s voice grew incredibly loud in the blink of an eye, and words began shooting out of her mouth like a barrage of bullets!

Kang Jin-Ho’s heart also began pounding faster to match her tempo.

-Why does a man claiming to have a working brain fail to understand other people? Ah? I repeatedly told you to call me, so why haven't you? Even the little puppy at my mom's understands me after getting scolded three times, so why can't you! Mister Jin-Ho, why haven't you figured it out already?! Why!

“...My apologies.”

-Is this how you want to play? Is that it?

“N-no, hang on. That’s not… Urgh.”

Kang Jin-Ho couldn't think of a suitable excuse. Sure, he could've said too many things happened for him to call her, but what excuse could save his skin when he still hadn't called her after all those 'too many things' had been more or less wrapped up?

-Shouldn't self-respecting humans think about changing their patterns every once in a while?! Did you know I've been counting the days you haven't gotten in touch with me? Are you trying to break your own record here? Your own dang record?!

“Mm…!”

The old Korean proverb about failing to defend yourself even with ten mouths should apply to this situation. Kang Jin-Ho got another lesson on how the wise old 'they' were always right and quietly squeezed his eyes shut.

A man should just let the falling deluge hit him. Trying to haphazardly avoid it could only lead to an even worse disaster!

-You know, I’ve never, ever! In my life! Met a man more specialized in being a

gireogi appa

as you! If your wife took your child to live overseas, you'd completely forget that you are even married! That's who you are![1]

It seemed Choi Yeon-Ha's dissing stat was leveling up rather nicely with every passing day. Kang Jin-Ho was sure he had never been attacked this way before. Such was the novelty of this verbal assault that Kang Jin-Ho almost blurted out,

‘I had no idea I was talented in that regard, ma’am.’

-So? Nothing happened, right?

“I’m sorry?”

-I’m asking you, nothing bad happened during your radio silence, yes?

“Uh… Mm, well, you can say that. But…”

Unfortunately for Kang Jin-Ho, his speech stat still hadn’t reached the level of automatically filtering out what should not be said just yet.

“By the way… Is it over now?”

-Over? What’s what now?

Why did humans always start regretting after they had let their intrusive thoughts get the better of them? While seriously pondering the mystery of human brain structure, Kang Jin-Ho tried to fix this situation.

“N-no, wait. That's not what I meant, but…”

-Yes, it's over for now. The dreaded nagging time, that is.

“…”

How strange that was. No way that was the end of her nagging, though?

The 'Choi Yeon-Ha' Kang Jin-Ho knew would have spent another ten minutes or so to unload all the frustration and unhappiness bottled up inside. Didn't Choi Yeon-Ha exceed Kang Jin-Ho's own mother when it came to nagging quotient? So… How could it be over already?

Kang Jin-Ho cautiously asked, “Really?”

-…Uh-whew.

Kang Jin-Ho could hear a groan containing her resignation and dismay.

‘Yup, I should just stop talking.’

It had to be some kind of special talent, being able to worsen the situation merely by opening his piehole! Kang Jin-Ho swore to be more economical with his words in the future.

-Yes, really. It’s over.

Surprisingly, though, Choi Yeon-Ha didn’t get angry at Kang Jin-Ho. That only made Kang Jin-Ho more worried, however!

Even he knew that he should be punching the air in celebration after getting Choi Yeon-Ha to forgive him so easily. The correct thing now would be to swiftly move on from this topic. At least he was smart enough to know that. However…

However, he also was getting curious. Curious about why this crisis had unfolded this way.

Humans were supposed to be intellectual animals, but the truth was… They were slaves to their curiosity, too. And Kang Jin-Ho's curiosity had gotten the better of him this time!

“But, uh, how come…?”

Still, his rational mind had not completely faded away, and it swooped in at the last second to blur the remainder of his question.

-What good is it to keep banging on about the same thing over and over again when you're not getting any desirable results? It's not like I'm going to stop seeing you just because you fail to fix your ways, you know? In that case, I should be the bigger person and just drop it, since another round of nagging will only make both of us feel worse.

“Oh…”

-However! Don’t get this twisted the wrong way, okay! I’m not saying I’m giving up because you can’t be fixed! It’s just that you can’t keep acknowledging the good parts and pretend the bad parts don’t exist, you know? Since we all have bad points, I’m gonna try to fix them. And if I can’t, well, I should just accept them and even embrace them. I can just call you first, after all.

Choi Yeon-Ha’s words comforted Kang Jin-Ho’s heart a little. He wasn’t sure why, but what she said acted like a panacea to his soul.

-It kinda hurts my pride, but that’s how life is, right? Actually, my pride getting wounded is the weird thing here, isn’t it? It’s not like our relationship is at the stage where someone’s pride will get hurt depending on who calls who first. Don’t you agree?

“Yes, I do.”

-That's why I'll try to be more understanding next time. This is what you're like, anyway. Yes, I know. I know that you're doing your best to accommodate me into your life. In that case, I should try my best, too. Wouldn't I be the villain of the story if I can't even be more understanding and keep nagging you every time we talk on the phone?

Kang Jin-Ho almost blurted out,

Don’t you think that exact situation has happened way too many times already for you to say that now?

Thankfully, Kang Jin-Ho’s rational mind was fully back in control by now. It ably stopped those unthinkable words from leaping out of his mouth. It also helped him find something else to say.

“You will be more understanding… Because it’s me?”

-Yes, that’s it.

“Being more understanding, is it…?”

There was nothing remarkable about that notion. However, Kang Jin-Ho still felt strange emotions seeping into his heart from hearing Choi Yeon-Ha say that.

“You will understand me…?”

-Mister Jin-Ho?

“...Yes, I’m here.”

-Did something happen?

“No, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s just that… You know what, it really is nothing.”

-Hmm…?

Yet another bout of stiff silence ensued. However, this particular silence felt different compared to earlier ones. Rather than dissatisfaction, hints of worry could be felt from it.

-...Mister Jin-Ho?

“Yes?”

-I don't know what's going on with you, and even if this thing is not something you can discuss with me, please know this.

“I’m sorry?”

-Whatever you decide, I will believe in you.

-Even if that decision leads to an even bigger problem, my stance will not change. I’ll probably laugh at you and call you an idiot once, but let it slide eventually.

“...Even though the situation could become serious?”

-Geez, you sure are a weird man, Mister Jin-Ho.

“Huh?”

-I told you it’ll be fine, so what’s the problem? Just close your eyes and do it.

“…”

-You know, I wanted to whine a lot today on the phone, but you sure threw a wrench into my plan, didn't you! Fine, I'll call it a day here. However! When I call you again tomorrow, I'm gonna whine at you the whole day, so you better prepare yourself!

“N-no, hang on…”

Please don't hang up. Not yet!

Kang Jin-Ho froze on the spot. He… wanted to talk to someone? He genuinely wanted to chat with someone, anyone, on the phone?

This emotion was something he had never felt before.

Until now, Kang Jin-Ho thought he was leaning against Choi Yeon-Ha, that he was relying on her. In fact, he thought both of them were leaning on each other for support. However, only now did he realize he had never actually leaned properly on anyone.

Could Kang Jin-Ho really say he was leaning on someone if that person backed away but he remained upright without falling to the ground?

As it turned out, Kang Jin-Ho hadn’t been leaning—relying—on someone until now. No, he believed he should support anyone wishing to lean on him.

He also believed he was connected to others, that he and they shared a bond. But this bond was actually nothing more than a one-sided relationship where support constantly flowed in one direction.

Only now did Kang Jin-Ho begin showing his back to other people around him…!

“Can we talk for a bit more…?”

Choi Yeon-Ha didn’t immediately say anything. She broke her silence only after what felt like an eternity.

-You… Something really happened to you, didn’t it?

-You want me to come to you?

“I’m sorry?”

-You want me to hop on a plane and come to Korea right now? Will that help?

“Huh? But how? Can you even do that?”

-Just say yes or no, Mister Jin-Ho. Forget about my TV show and whatever, okay? I'm telling you, you worry about too many things. Like, you worry about my schedule, other people's welfare, and even the stuff you do… Your mind is filled with unnecessary stuff every day, wouldn't you say? Humans can't keep living that way, you know? Since you think about others so much, shouldn't you have a moment for yourself and whine to your heart's content? So, tell me yes or no. If it's a yes, I'll hop on a plane right now, TV show and whatnot be damned.

“...Will that be fine, though?”

-Yes. You’re worth the trouble, after all. At least, you have the right to demand that from me, you see? So, whine and complain as much as you want, Mister Jin-Ho. I’ll gladly hear them all.

Kang Jin-Ho couldn’t help but chuckle gently. Hearing her say that was… enough. Yes, it was enough for him.

It was enough to know that someone was behind to catch him when his lonely steps got too heavy and difficult and he had no choice but to look back before falling.

In the end, he had to walk alone on this journey. No one could really accompany him. However…

“...Miss Yeon-Ha, thank you. I feel a little better now.”

-What the hell! You think I’m joking here, mister?! You know what! I’m coming, right now! You just wait for me wherever you are! Hey, Eun-Sol! Where are you! Go and get me a plane ticket to Korea, now! Hurry!

“H-hang on a sec, Miss Yeon-Ha! Please calm down!”

Kang Jin-Ho was forced to play a delicate game of tug-of-war with Choi Yeon-Ha for a long while. Although pacifying a woman whose blood had rushed to her head and was about to embark on an international flight was a massive challenge, Kang Jin-Ho somehow succeeded in his quest.

“Yes, I promise I'll call you if something serious happens.”

-No, that’s not it, Mister Jin-Ho!

“Eh? It’s not?”

-Don’t just call me when the problem is serious, okay? Talk to me even if it’s something trivial. If you are scared of saying something because of my reaction this time, don’t you think that’s another problem in itself?! Do you get what I’m saying to you?

“Yes, I kinda do.”

-Geez! You’re so high-maintenance, you know that? Then again, that’s what you’re like, anyway. And I guess that’s charming in a way, too.

-I’m gonna hang up now since it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your mind. However, please don’t forget about this one thing. And that is to do what you want, okay? Mister Jin-Ho, that is what I really want to see from you. Who’s gonna complain when you’re simply whining a bit about your life? Besides, I’m here to hear you out, so go ahead and flip a table or something. Okay?

“...Don’t worry, I’ll definitely remember it.”

-Okay! Then, good night.

And with that, the eventful phone call came to an end.

While holding the silent phone, Kang Jin-Ho stared at the skies again. He could still sense the warmth of the phone in his palm. The warmth from the electronics inside the device…

And then…

Kang Jin-Ho stared at the night sky for a long while before closing his eyes.

‘Do what I want, is it...?’

That was what Choi Yeon-Ha said. That he should just do what he wanted. And Park Yu-Min asked what Kang Jin-Ho really wanted to do in his life.

He should really have only one answer for that. However, what was it? What was the life Kang Jin-Ho wanted?

With his eyes closed, Kang Jin-Ho’s mind began picturing the face of a certain woman. A woman who had lived a remarkable life that Kang Jin-Ho could never dare imitate.

That was why he respected her so much. That didn’t mean he could understand her, though…

The dying wish of that woman was like the bright North Star burning alone in the wide desert sky to act as Kang Jin-Ho’s waypoint.

“Jin-Ho, please become a man who can reach out first to other people in need.”

‘I haven’t forgotten that promise, ma’am.’

Kang Jin-Ho had already made up his mind about that, anyway. He finally shoved aside the confusion making a mess of his mind and resumed his walk. His steps were a little lighter, just a little cheerier.

It was as if… His stalled life had resumed moving again.

1. 'Gireogi appa' is a Korean slang term denoting a man who works in Korea while his family stays in another country, usually an English-speaking one. Please refer to Wikipedia for more in-depth info. ?