Chapter 551 (3): Examining the Heart When the Spiritual Master Arrives

Zhang Shanfeng was feeling incredibly anxious.

However, the old spiritual master shook his head, so Zhang Shanfeng could only tightly grip the oil-paper umbrella that Chen Ping'an had given him, accompanying his master to stroll elsewhere.

After walking far away, the extremely worried Zhang Shanfeng turned around and gazed into the distance, asking in a quiet voice, "Master, is it truly okay to leave Chen Ping'an there by himself?"

"When has Chen Ping'an not been by himself?" Spiritual Master Fire Dragon retorted in a calm voice.

Zhang Shanfeng was taken aback.

The old spiritual master smiled and continued, "This is not to say that Chen Ping'an's friendship with you is insincere. Rather, this young lad has already grown accustomed to this from a young age."

"Is that a bad thing?" Zhang Shanfeng asked.

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon thought for a moment before replying, "It's naturally not a bad thing, seeing that Chen Ping'an has managed to make it until today. However, if he stays this way even after today, then..."

"It will become a bad thing?" Zhang Shanfeng asked again.

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon unexpectedly shook his head and said with a smile, "It will be even better. However, there's still a slight gap, and only if he fails to clearly understand this and overcome that barrier will it become a bad thing. Regarding this matter, it will become a huge calamity if he fails to comprehend it and acknowledge it; it will become his greatest mental demon."

The heart's barrier was like death's door, and if one paced back and forth in this area, there would only be a fine line separating life from death. Thus, there were always cases of humans in the yin world and ghosts in the yang world, with humans and ghosts becoming difficult to differentiate.

Things were relatively simple for mortal humans, who sought nothing more than staying alive and living better. There was no firm notion regarding ghosts and humans. On the other hand, cultivators suffering from muddy hearts would also suffer delays in their cultivation.

Zhang Shanfeng scratched his head and said, "Master, I truly don't understand these complicated and roundabout matters."

"Because you don't need to understand," the old spiritual master responded with a smile. "The difference between people is like the difference between two worlds."

"Master, I can't say much if you accuse other people of being selfish, but I feel like it's incorrect for you to call Chen Ping'an selfish," Zhang Shanfeng said.

The old spiritual master shook his head and explained, "This is not a derogatory remark, so there's no need to defend Chen Ping'an and speak up for him."

Zhang Shanfeng suddenly stopped and said, "Master, I'm not going to walk any further. I'm going to stay here and watch over Chen Ping'an. Otherwise, I won't feel at ease."

"Very good," the old spiritual master said with a nod.

"What's good about this?" Zhang Shanfeng grumbled.

The old spiritual master smiled and continued walking forward by himself. He was going to take a stroll around the perimeter of the island.

In any case, he was very curious about what that young man's eventual answer was going to be.

Zhang Shanfeng squatted down on the spot. It wasn't raining at the moment, but he still opened the oil-paper umbrella out of boredom, gazing at that minuscule figure standing near the shore in the distance.

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon continued to walk forward at a slow pace.

However, the perimeter of Paddling Island only measured fifteen kilometers, so it wasn't long before he arrived near Chen Ping'an and gazed at the lake together with the young man. There was no rain at Paddling Island, yet heavy downpours were sweeping across all of the other islands in the Dragon Palace Small World. The night sky and the curtain of rain knitted together, blending in with the lake and causing their vision to become increasingly hazy.

"Old Spiritual Master, there's a matter that I've never revealed to anyone else," Chen Ping'an said slowly.

"Feel free to speak your mind," Spiritual Master Fire Dragon said.

Chen Ping'an took a deep breath and revealed, "I've been to quite a lot of places in my lifetime, but looking back now, I feel like the greatest trial I faced was coincidentally during the most peaceful and stable part of my journey. It wasn't at my hometown where I was nearly killed by the mountain-moving ape, nor was it my interactions with Branch Master Lu of the Heavenly World. In fact, it wasn't even the time when my abdomen was destroyed by the Sword Devouring Ark, nor was it any of the myriad schemes and deadly battles. The person accompanying me during that extremely uneasy time was actually one of the people whom I respect the most. His name is A'Liang, and he's a swordsman."

"A frightened child has no option but to fear the worst when facing an unfamiliar world," Spiritual Master Fire Dragon said calmly. "However, only afterward did the child realize that his mental state was actually so fragile. The more profound A'Liang's sword techniques are and the loftier his character is, able to contain heaven and earth, the more the grown-up child will feel dejected and guilty in the future. The mental state of the child was completely different from how he viewed Mr. Qi, whom he had treated like a paramount individual from the very beginning.

"Feel free to keep going," Spiritual Master Fire Dragon said. "I'll forget what you said afterward. The rainwater has washed heaven and earth clean, so you should seize this opportunity to boldly examine your conscience."

"It was only afterward that I learned that relationships and marriages in the world can also be influenced by those at the pinnacle of the mountains," Chen Ping'an continued. "After realizing this, I was very afraid that the girl whom I like doesn't actually like me of her own accord. I was very afraid of this."

There was a slight smile on Chen Ping'an's face after he said this, and he continued, "But after mulling over this for a while, I felt like this wouldn't be the case. She's Ning Yao, after all, the only Ning Yao in hundreds upon thousands of years. As such, there's no such thing as 'what if.'"

"What else?" Spiritual Master Fire Dragon asked with a chuckle.

"I'm very afraid that I'll become like the snotty little kid, transforming into the type of person whom I used to detest the most," Chen Ping'an revealed. "With this in mind, I've always been afraid of becoming a cultivator in the mountains. In the beginning, I would feel deep admiration when I came across sword immortals, but after traveling far and wide and witnessing the myriad of pain and suffering in the world, I grew increasingly loath of those so-called magnificent feats, where cultivators used their swords to slice off a mountain peak or used their fists to annihilate a city.

"However, I came to a realization afterward, understanding that there was no need to be afraid of these matters. If my cultivation of strength reaches a pinnacle level, with my cultivation of the heart also keeping up, then I can force those cultivators in the mountains who seek nothing but satisfaction to suffer nothing but dissatisfaction. That will make me feel satisfied."

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon clicked his tongue in wonder and commented, "This is the first time this 'old spiritual master' is hearing something interesting like this. Not bad, not bad."

Chen Ping'an smiled and continued, "I need to thank Old Spiritual Master for giving me a hint regarding my examination of the heart, forcing me to admit my selfishness. Before this, I always liked to purposely consider the complexities of the world as even deeper and more chaotic. For me, I subconsciously felt like I didn't need to think any deeper regarding the destruction of my scholarly core. In reality, this was a form of evasion, and just like Old Spiritual Master said, this was caused by my selfishness.

"Having a strong sense of selfishness isn't terrifying, and what's terrifying is being unaware of this selfishness while acting under its influence. There's actually no need to be afraid of it after acknowledging its presence. Once a matter has already reached rock bottom, it can still be turned around regardless of how difficult the process is, as long as one can still find the motivation and drive."

"This still isn't enough," the old spiritual master said with a shake of his head.

"I'm very good at bearing grudges, and there are many people whom I want to kill but aren't able to kill. I can only endure this for the moment. I'm not afraid of waiting, and what I'm afraid of is my principles changing after waiting for too long, resulting in me losing my reason to kill those people. Because of this, I've always yearned to grow powerful enough to kill those people before I discover any new principles!"

Chen Ping'an pondered for a moment before admitting, "Also, I've always been a cowardly person. I was afraid of ghosts when I was little, and after my parents passed away, I wasn't genuinely afraid of ghosts, but I was instead using this as an excuse to avoid reality. My best friend, Liu Xianyang, was aware of my biggest fear when I worked as an apprentice in the dragon kilns: I was most afraid of falling sick.

"I was yet to practice fist techniques at that time, and I was even further away from starting Qi refinement. In reality, however, I had already started to exert a lot of effort in trying to understand the small world that's our body. This pertained to the cycle of the four seasons and the transitions between the solar terms, and I had already attempted to link together heaven and earth and the human body. This was why Liu Xianyang had described me as having the life of a poor maidservant, yet having the thoughts of a wealthy young mistress.

"I didn't only become cautious after leaving my hometown, but I actually started to disguise myself from a very young age for the sake of seeking justice and exacting revenge for my parents. I needed to become a mature and grateful child, making everyone feel like I was a person who, at the very least, wouldn't cause any trouble for them. I wouldn't steal or rob, and I definitely wouldn't become a troublemaker in the area around Clay Vase Alley. I wouldn't become a so-called seed of disaster like those old people described me. I disguised myself because I understood that I would definitely die once I lost some certain protections.

"Even though I was still little at the time, only just starting to understand the world, I had already learned how to please the people around me. I would often stare at the medicine pot, which I no longer needed to use, in a daze, and after staring at it for a long time, I understood that it was necessary for me to learn how to strike a fine balance.

"Thus, I would secretly sweep the accumulated snow in the streets and alleys during winter, knowing that people wouldn't notice it after one time or a few times, but someone would definitely notice it after a dozen times or several dozen times. I would help the elderly residents draw water, I would help other children retrieve their paper kites from the trees, I would provide some minor assistance during weddings and funerals, and I would also help as much as I could in the fields. I couldn't let other people feel like Clay Vase Alley's Chen Ping'an was only doing these things because he was smart and had already thought this far. Rather, I wanted them to believe that the child from Clay Vase Alley was most likely a genuine 'good person.'

"I was always doing these things before I went to the dragon kilns to become an apprentice, with my habits becoming second nature. Things stayed the same after I became an apprentice, and even until today, having journeyed to the Northern Complete Reed Continent's Paddling Island, I still can't help but ponder: Just what kind of person is Chen Ping'an? Am I truly a good person?

"When observing a night trial at a city god temple before, the city god said there would be no rewards for meritorious acts made purely with the intention of accumulating good karma, something that made me feel very guilty. Regarding the Liberation Rite of Water and Land and the Heavenly Worship Ceremony at Bamboo Scroll Lake, as well as the Gold Edict Ceremony recently hosted at the Dragon Palace Small World, I actually felt even guiltier when I heard Li Yuan's remark about the heavens being able to detect this and ghosts and deities being able to connect with this."

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon patiently finished listening to the young man's long-winded reflection before asking, "Then let me ask you this, Chen Ping'an. Do you feel like there are any justified people or matters?"

Chen Ping'an nodded and replied, "Of course. For example, my parents are both good people, and I'll only ever like Ning Yao in this lifetime. I'm definitely going to witness more of the world's scenery for the sake of Mr. Qi, and I'm going to become a swordsman who's like A'Liang! I'm acquainted with many truly good people, and I don't want my cultivation to be for purely selfish purposes — I hope I can resolutely unleash my fists and unsheathe my sword and be justified in doing so whenever I come across matters of injustice in the future. I hope principles will be just that, not things that are dragged out when they're useful and thrown away when they're not. I hope even the weakest people dare to feel angry and dare to speak up, while even the strongest people are willing to respect others."

Chen Ping'an paused for a moment before saying slowly, "I also hope all of the Chen Ping'ans growing up in the Clay Vase Alleys don't need to worry about so many things and are able to become genuinely good people."

"Then let me ask you one final question," Spiritual Master Fire Dragon said. "Do you understand your heart now? Just what kind of person is Clay Vase Alley's Chen Ping'an?"

Chen Ping'an shook his head and replied, "I don't seem to have an answer."

The old spiritual master smiled and asked, "Then do you want to keep thinking? If you keep thinking, when will this end?"

This was the same question as before.

Things were going around in circles, just like how the old spiritual master had walked around the perimeter of Paddling Island and returned to the same spot.

However, one shouldn't underestimate this loop.

The Daoist Sect championed the notion of returning to natural simplicity.

This was the pursuit of truth.

Chen Ping'an held his hands inside his opposite sleeves and dazedly looked into the distance. After remaining silent for a long time, he smiled faintly and said something that wasn't an answer, but could also be viewed as an answer.

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon nodded after hearing this, not feeling like the young man was answering his question in a perfunctory manner. Chen Ping'an was a very clever person, so for him to deceive other people would be far too easy. It was deceiving himself that would be difficult.

And thus, the old spiritual master couldn't help but sigh with slight emotion in his mind, thinking that the Scholarly Sage's skills in recruiting disciples were just as impressive as his own.

"Do you have any thoughts about your third bonded item?" Spiritual Master Fire Dragon asked.

"Yes," Chen Ping'an replied with a nod.

"Do you need my help?" Spiritual Master Fire Dragon asked.

"I do," Chen Ping'an answered with a smile.

"Easy done," Spiritual Master Fire Dragon said with a nod.

Their exchange was crisp and direct, without a single wasted word.

The old spiritual master patted Chen Ping'an's shoulder and said, "Go on, you can catch up with Shanfeng now. I'll stay here to enjoy the scenery for a while longer."

Chen Ping'an bade farewell and took his leave.

Spiritual Master Fire Dragon remained standing in the same spot.

He heaved a faint sigh.

He recalled the answer that Chen Ping'an had given just then.

"I've contended with myself for a long time, and I would rather be myself."[1]

1. This is a line from

A New Account of the Tales of the World: Grading Excellence

. Compiled and edited by Liu Yiqing during the Liu Song dynasty,

A New Account of the Tales of the World

is a historical compilation of anecdotes about Chinese scholars, musicians, and artists during the second and fourth centuries. ☜